Worthless
by isaacswolfsbane
Summary: Remus attends a wake thrown for Sirius, but he'd much rather be alone.


**Worthless**

Remus smoothed down his jacket as he waited for everyone to get ready. He appreciated that everybody was willing to do this, to have a wake for Sirius, but the longer he was left alone, the more the memory of Sirius' death replayed itself in his head.

"You ready?" a voice asked behind him.

He turned to face Arthur Weasley who was standing slightly in front of the rest of his family.

Remus sighed. "No, but let's do this."

He grabbed a handful of floo powder and followed Arthur through the fire calling out, "The Three Broomsticks."

* * *

The place was packed. Friends and family of Order members crowded the pub, all there to celebrate Sirius' life.

Remus wanted to leave.

None of the people in the pub knew Sirius the way he did, none of them _loved_ Sirius the way he did.

He ordered a bottle of whiskey (regular, Remus found it smoother than Firewhiskey) and retreated to an unoccupied table in the corner, hoping nobody would follow him and he could drink alone. As he drank, he watched the rain falling against the window, the thudding of the water hitting the glass calming him slightly, despite the constant barrage of unwanted thoughts flooding his mind.

 _Worthless._

 _You didn't save him._

 _You didn't even try._

 _Where were you when he needed you the most?_

The shattering of the whiskey bottle brought Remus back to reality and he looked at his now bloody hand. He was still clutching the broken glass from the neck of the bottle. Opening his hand, he let the pieces of glass fall to the floor, watching specks of blood drop and disappear between them.

Remus wished he could do the same, especially as the sudden noise had drawn everyone's attention to his corner and Molly Weasley was rushing towards him brandishing her wand.

"I can fix that!" she called. "It won't be a bother."

Seconds later, Molly had Remus' hand in her own and was muttering healing spells. The wounds closed before his eyes, and Remus sighed.

"See, that's better, isn't it?" Molly asked, mistaking his sigh of slight annoyance for one of relief.

Remus reluctantly nodded. "Thanks, Molly," he muttered. His voice was hoarse and he had to work hard on making sure it didn't crack—if Molly saw how close to breaking he was she'd never leave him alone.

Molly fixed the bottle—which, unfortunately for Remus, was now empty—and took it back to the bar, presumably to help Madam Rosmerta clear up a bit. Remus used this momentary distraction to slip away from her unnoticed.

* * *

The rain was coming down heavier than before as Remus walked the streets of Hogsmeade, but he didn't care. If anything, Remus was hoping the rain would wash the unwanted thoughts from his head.

 _Worthless._

 _Where were you?_

He let out a loud scream, momentarily drowning them out, and the broke into a run. He started heading towards the Shrieking Shack but stopped—he wanted to get as far away from anything that even remotely reminded him of Sirius.

Doubling back, he wracked his brain for anywhere in the village he could go.

Anywhere near Madam Puddifoot's was out—he and Sirius had once gone there under the pretence of being on a date one time, but really they were spying on James and Lily.

Zonko's was out for obvious reasons.

Honeydukes was also a no go—Sirius had dragged Remus in every time they visited Hogsmeade and wouldn't let Remus leave until he'd bought something too. It was where his love of chocolate had started.

Hogsmeade Station just reminded Remus of his school days, and there wasn't a single memory of that time that didn't include Sirius.

Eventually, Remus plonked himself down on a bench outside of the Post Office. He was completely sodden now, the rain chilling him right to the bone, but at least it distracted him from thoughts of Sirius.

A noise to his left caught his attention. Turning his head, he saw a girl with bubblegum pink hair shuffling along the pavement. She was soaking wet and looked almost as miserable as Remus felt.

"Tonks?" he asked. The girl's head shot up, a look of alarm crossed her face before she realised it was Remus.

Remus scooted over on the bench and Tonks walked over and sat next to him.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"I couldn't stand it in there." She nodded her head in the direction of the Three Broomsticks. "Everyone was so loud and so drunk. It…" She gulped. "It reminded me of _him._ It was exactly what he would have wanted."

A small smile crept onto Remus' face, probably the first smile since he'd left the Department of Mysteries. It _was_ what he would have wanted—he would have wanted everyone to be together, celebrating his life, not sitting on a bench alone and soaking wet.

"Come on," he said. He stood up and pulled on Tonks' hand. "We have a celebration to get back to."

* * *

 **Word Count:** 834

* * *

 **This is for:**

 _ **Hogwarts Birthday Event – Jenga;  
**_ _(dialogue) "You ready?" / "No, but let's do this."_

 _ **Hogwarts August Event – Gobstones;  
**_ _Green stone - mourning, (emotion) depression, (object) bottle of whisky, (weather) rainy_

 _ **Hogwarts Birthday Event – Piñata;  
**_ _(genre) angst_


End file.
